Peanut Butter and Boysenberry Jam Bars

"Bro!"

"Yeah bro?"

"What's the time bro?"

"Uh, dunno bro."

"Why bro?"

"No watch bro"

"Fuck, bro, how the hell am I supposed to know what to do with this peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

"Uh, dunno bro"

Well, this whole situation could have been deftly avoided if only "Bro No. 2" was wearing a watch. Then he would've been aware of the time. Then he would've known that at that exact moment...it was actually...

And instead of wasting a perfectly edible, nay perfectly frothtactular sandwich on "Bro No. 2's" worthless features, he could have delighted his tastebuds with the timelessly tasty condiment fusion of peanut butter and jelly (jam, work with me Australia...)

Anyway, the point of today's blog is that the other day I felt a stirring digestive tract. The stirring was prompted by the viewing of the previous video...and revisiting prior posts on this blog (here and here) I was reminded of my affection for the nutty fantasticness that is peanut butter.

Now usually I would eat peanut butter on its own. Or with more butter. Actually, adding it with butter has always confused many of my friends.

"Bro, what are you doing?"
"Buttering my sandwich bro, what does it look like I'm doing?"
"Bro, it looks like you're adding an unnecessary condiment to that peanut butter sandwich"
"Well bro I'd say visit your fucking optometrist because that isn't what I'm doing"
"Bro, it certainly looks like that's what you're doing. Do you want to have a coronary or something?"
"Listen, if I'm going to have a coronary I want it to be the result of deliciousness not of something stupid like those dagwood dogs you eat"
"Shut up and make me a vegemite one while you're at it"
*proceeds to make vegemite sandwich for "Bro No. 2"
*reaches for butter to put on vegemite sandwich
"Bro, don't put that shit on my sandwich"

 

But although butter to me is a perfectly logical accompaniment to a pb sambo...jam has never quite tickled my pickle...wobbled my wibbler...beached my whale...etc.

But, as I browsed the interweb in search of a recipe that would satisfy my cravings for peanut buter I reflected on the video that had inspired my metabolism.

If a banana's excitement could generate over eight million youtube views, then I'm sure he knew what he was dancing about. 

So I found these bad boys on Martha Stewarts webpage...and I was not disappointed.

They don't have the chewability that is brownie texture...so don't expect them to be anything like that. They're crumbly, like cheesecake bottom....and melt in your mouth. Use really good quality jam and they'll shatter your taste zones like a seven on the richter scale. I used boysenberry. Purely because it is fun to say boysenberry. Seriously say it now.

Once I ordered boysenberry icecream at an icecream store (reading that I'm thinking where the fuck else would I order a boysenberry icecream...) and couldn't help but burst into laughter because the word is so hilarious to me. Later, while I was enjoying my icecream, someone asked me what flavour and I was forced to dribble the boysenberry icecream out of my mouth because the mere mention of the word sends me into a giggle frenzy.

Boysenberry.

The recipe calls for them to be cooked for forty minutes...but mine took a wee bit longer than that. It all depends on how deep your pan is really. So make sure you're checking on them on the reg if you've altered the recipe in any way.

I also changed my recipe - I could only find stale cashews and no delicious peanuts so I made a brown sugar butter crumble on top. NOT A FAIL NO REGRETS FUCKING TASTY!

Although one warning I must add...when taking them out of the oven...

DO NOT SHOVE IT IMMEDIATELY IN YOUR MOUTH LIKE I DID THE JAM SORT OF TURNS INTO SUGARY LAVA AND TAKES OFF THE ROOF OF YOUR MOUTH SKIN WHICH, UNLIKE THE BAR ITSELF, IS NOT DELICIOUS AT ALL.

If this happens I suggest this thread...Ow I Burnt My Tongue


Peanut Butter and Jelly Bars - courtesy of Martha Stewart...yet tweaked and twerked by yours truly...

Greedy-ents

Makes about 3 dozen ( I cut this recipe so it was one third of the mix and it worked just fine )

Bars Themselves

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for pan

3 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for pan

1 1/2 cups sugar

2 large eggs

2 1/2 cups smooth peanut butter

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups boysenberry jam, or other flavours...go against my word...whatever...I don't care...DO IT I DARE YOU BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL I'LL FIND YA BUT!

Sugary Deliciousness on Top

1/2 cup packed light brown sugar

1/2 cup all purpose flour

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, chilled

Methodation

1.Heat oven to 175 degrees. Grease a pan with butter, and line the bottom with baking paper. Grease the paper, and coat inside of pan with flour; set aside. Place butter and sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer (oh the prettiness that is a mixmaster...) fitted with the paddle attachment. Beat on medium-high speed until fluffy, about 2 minutes. On medium speed, add eggs and peanut butter; beat until combined, about 2 minutes.

2.Whisk together salt, baking powder, and flour. Add to bowl of mixer on low speed; combine. Add vanilla. Transfer two-thirds of mixture to prepared pan; spread evenly with offset spatula. Using offset spatula, spread jam on top of peanut-butter mixture. Dollop remaining third of peanut-butter mixture on top of jam.

3. In a separate bowl put the chilled butter, the sugar and the flour together. Using your hands (wear gloves if you are a pussy) and smush it all together till it is nice and crumbly. Sprinkle on top of your battery concotion residing in your greasy pan. Mmmmmhmmhmhmhmhmhmhh...

4. Bung him in the oven, bake until golden, about 40-47 and a half minutes. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.