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Monday, June 14, 2010

What's Up Doc?

Before I start may I just say I would offer all my phalanges and most of my limbs to be able to do the Looney Tunes voice overs. I was just reminded when I gave the post a title how much I've always envied people like Robin Williams who can control the retardation in their voices. I just listen to Porky Pig and feel like I'm going insane with jealousy everytime that voice artist does that stutter...

Nevertheless, I will move on to what I know you're here for.

Carrot Cake.
I know I know, usually I'm one for decadence, but my family said they'd ship me to the Amazon as a "gift" for the pygmies to use and abuse me as a sacrifice if I made something similar to last weeks cake.

I also felt it necessary to tone it down a touch on the saturated fat side of things as my waistline has been protruding over my Bettina Liano's due to the fact I was the only one brave enough to slowly munch my way through the butterscotch buttercream sitting in my fridge...

So that brings us to now.

I'm pretty happy with this cake, I stole and tinkered with a recipe from a vego's bible; "Delia's Vegetarian Cookbook" which offers some farken fab recipes if you don't like to chew the beef, ahem, as I and the rest of the sane population do.

It's fairly nutty as I used almond meal instead of the wholemeal flour the original suggests but whatever, each to their own.

Also, I may come back to this recipe on another day as my addiction to butter and brown sugar tells me that caramelizing the carrots before putting them in the cake may lead to extra frothtastic tastebud sensations. Then again, I do love butter so much I would put it on just about anything, why just the other day I buttered my steak. I can just sense the butter in my fridge calling out my name, wishing it was brimming slowly towards my drooling jaws. Butter is the food of the Gods. Screw all of you and your margarines and cream cheese spreads, I want my golden yellow lifeforce on everything.

God I get so distracted.

Keep you posted.


Carrot Cake w/ Mascarpone, Fromage Frais and Cinnamon Icing


200g grated carrots
200g brown sugar (dark is better but it really doesn't matter.)
2 large eggs brought to room temperature
150mL rice bran oil (or sunflower oil)
100g plain or wholemeal flour
100g almond meal*
some mixed spice
some nutmeg
some cinnamon
1 teaspoon of bicarb soda
grated zest of an orange
handful of dessicated coconut (feel free to omit or use shredded.)

*I always make my own almond meal by buying whole dry roasted almonds and blending them in a food processor until they form a fine powder. Tastes so much better and gives your finished cake a more natural look and taste.

Preheat your oven to 175 degrees celsius. Ooooh toasty.

Whisk your brown sugar, eggs and oil together in a bowl until all your sugar is dissolved. Now sift the flour, spices and bicarb into the bowl and stir gently. Incorporate all of your other ingredients.

Chuck your batter in your heavily greased or lined tin. If you have any brown sugar left, get some and whisk in a little butter in a separate bowl then sprinkle this buttery sugary mess strategically on the top of your cake. Bake for 30 minutes or until a skewer comes out clean when you put him in.

250g mascarpone
200g fromage frais 8 per cent (you can sub in cream cheese or a low fat cottage cheese if you can't find this but there is no real substitute for the real deal.)
teaspoon of cinnamon
tablespoon of lemon juice

Whip all these ingredients together until they form what looks like an icing...duh.

Bung on the icing when your bad boy is cooled down and wah-lah. Serve warm.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Scroll Down for Coronary Failure...

So it's been a week...
You've probably been wondering where I've been...'s the thing...
About a week ago I found I was...umm..............


You see on the third of June 2010 it was my brother's eleventh birthday. Now, me living in a house full of people who have "my-body-is-a-temple" mantras it's often hard to find an occasion to bake some of the super duper orgasm inducing froth town recipes that I find all over the internet and in my various baking bibles.

But here was my chance. It was time to LIVE.

Now I approached my brother with the idea that I was to make the birthday cake and he seemed all for it. We sat down at the computer and googled layer cakes for what seemed seconds to me and hours for him and decided on this cake right here...CAKE!

He went away with his palate buzzing in anticipation, but something in my loins told me that that just wasn't the just wasn't going to be the show I wanted to put on.

So I went to the bookstore and looked through some cake books and found this one...CAKE!

It spoke to me like an angel descending from the culinary heavens; she said, with a slight drool dripping from the corner of her mouth "Ella, this cake would make Matt Preston shit his pants in delight..."

So I went home with a song in my heart and proposed the idea to mum...who was unduly and quite obviously dissatisfied with my choosing.

"Peanut butter mousse? Get stuffed." she said with a huff, and proceeded out the door to play tennis for three hours as if the thought of those peanutty calories was fattening enough.

So I had a dilemma...and it was the day before! I looked through book after book, webpage after webpage but just was not satisfied. true Ella fashion...I made up my own recipe...and here it is. For you. Specially.

Make this and no one will ever. ever. ever. forget it. Their thighs and ass simply will not let them.


Triple Chocolate Decker Cake with Chantilly Cream, Butterscotch Buttercream and Milky White Chocolate Glaze.

Ingredients for the Cakes

There are three cake layers all together; one is a milk chocolate, one is dark chocolate and one is white chocolate and they all follow a basic devils food cake recipe, altered slightly for the type of chocolate. (adapted from

1/4 cup natural unsweetened cocoa powder****
1 ounce high-quality milk chocolate (such as Lindt, Perugina, or Valrhona), chopped *****
1/4 cup boiling water******
1/4 cup buttermilk
2/3 cup cake flour (plain is fine. not self raising)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup (packed) dark brown sugar
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup canola oil
1 large egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

****omit when making the white chocolate layer.
*****with this ingredient, substitute dark chocolate when making the dark chocolate layer, and substitute for white chocolate when making the white chocolate layer.
******omit when making white chocolate layer.

Position rack in center of oven; preheat to 180 degrees celsius. Combine cocoa powder and milk chocolate in medium bowl. Pour 1/4 cup boiling water over; whisk until mixture is smooth.****** Whisk in buttermilk.
Whisk flour, baking soda, and salt in another medium bowl. Using electric mixer, beat both sugars, oil, egg, and vanilla in large bowl until well blended. Add flour and cocoa mixtures; beat until blended (batter will be thin).
Bake cakes until tester inserted into center comes out with some crumbs attached, 28 to 30 minutes. Cool in pans on racks 15 minutes. Then empty out onto a rack and cool.

Refridgerate the cakes until two hours before serving and applying frosting, glaze and cream.

****** for this step when making the other layers, keep the same when making the dark chocolate but for the white chocolate, place the white chocolate in a saucepan over mid to low heat and melt down until liquid. Then whisk in the buttermilk.

Ingredients for the Fillings

Now this takes some time, so keep your cakes in the fridge while you're doing this. Don't apply the fillings or glaze until two hours before serving and keep refridgerated until you serve, otherwise your cream will go funky.

Butterscotch Buttercream
(adapted from "at home with Magnoila")

1/2 cup butter
2/3 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup heavy cream
3 cups icing sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla essence

Method for Buttercream

Melt the butter in a medium sized saucepan over med-low heat. Add the brown sugar and whisk constantly for 5 minutes until syrupy. Gradually add the cream and continue whisking for 2 more minutes.
Remove from the heat aand transfer to large bowl and allow to cool for fifteen minutes.

You need to wait otherwise your icing won't set properly and you will get broken buttercream which is a tragedy, a tasty tasty tragedy.

Once cooled, gradually add the icing sugar while mixing with an electric mixer. Add vanilla and keep beating. You'll notice it goes a lovely caramel colour, really light and pastel but delectable at the same time. This is what you want. Now refridgerate the bad boy.

Chantilly Cream (my way...)

1 cup of thickened cream (DO NOT USE LIGHT IT DOES NOT WHIP)
1/2 cup brown sugar
2/3 cup icing sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla essence

Bung all the ingredients in a bowl and whip your cream until it is whipped good. Make Devo fucking proud.

Milky White Chocolate Glaze
(adapted from the "Art and Soul of Baking")

 12 ounces of whatever type of chocolate you desire. (I chose milk and white)
1/2 cup heavy cream

Put your choccy in a bowl. Boil your cream in a seperate saucepan on high heat. Just as it starts to boil, remove from heat and pour cream on chocolate. Then get your whisk on that shit until smooth and glaze like.


Dark chocolate base. Cut the top off the cake if it has raised during baking as to create a flat surface. Put as much butterscotch buttercream as your heart desires on top. Put the white chocolate layer on top of this. On top of the white chocolate layer put as much of your chantilly cream on top. Sandwich the top with your milk chocolate cake layer and pour the milky white chocolate glaze all over as to get your dripped effect.

Refridgerate until serving. Then eat.