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Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Today I decided to buy myself a present.

You know those days where you feel a little slow, you've got assessment coming out of orifices you didn't know you had, and you're just generally up for some retail therapy.

Now, I don't know if many people are like me but my retail therapy doesn't consist of shoes, jewellery or items of clothing.

My form of retail therapy is to buy weird shit.

No I did not buy a contortionist but I wish I did.

Why, just last week I bought baby Iranian dried figs because I got a terrible terrible (projectile vomit worthy) mark on one of my journalism assessment pieces. My logic was that if I bought these strange little items all my troubles would melt away. And when I added these dried Iranian figs to my morning muesli, well by George, they did.

Hahah they look like little dried ovaries. Yum yum!

Sometimes my impulsive buying of strange items goes astray; when I bought purple carrots from the James Street Markets the other day because I was feeling obese, my mother thought they looked like an old lady's fingers that had caught the plague. Needless to say, we didn't eat those bad boys.

I think buying strange items such as new ingredients, books, notepads and other trinkets are a much more rewarding form of retail therapy.

Maybe this is just because my mother is an extremely fashionable artist and I've never felt the urge to buy clothes as I just literally throw myself into her wardrobe and come out looking like I fell into a Sass&Bide bin.

Anyway, what brings me to the point of this post is to do a little persuading on the general public to buy this book I bought in my last little depressed retail expenditure day.

It's called the "Chocolate Conisseur", and if you're into chocolate as much as I am, you will NOT regret it.

She's into chocolate like Hitler wasn't into jews...she has like a seriously strange fetish/obsession that comes across a little strong, but nevertheless she's entertaining.

So far I've learnt all of these fabulous things about chocolate; how to taste, where the cocoa beans come from, and that when your chocolate gets that white pattern on it from being left in the fridge too long, that's called bloom.

Bloom is the fat coming to the surface of the chocolate and it happens to chocolate that hasn't been tempered properly.

I also found out the top ten chocolate bars in the world. Mars Bar is number one.

Ooooh who's a happy chappy now!

Now tell me you're shocked thatTWIX is number two!!! Can you believe that? And Bounty is ten! CHERRY RIPE DOESN'T EVEN MAKE AN APPEARANCE?!?!?

It's fucked let's leave it at that. I feel personally obligated to go and eat four hundred million Bueno bars to se their little chocolatey selves in that stupid top ten.


Anyway, it's a great read and it convinced me to believe that eating chocolate would actually make me a healthier happier human being.

So go buy it.

No recipe for now, but there's a pretty darn tempting Nutella tart in that chocolate book that I will probably bake tomorrow so stay tuned.

Tah tah.

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