Hey hey it's savoury day!

Since when do I do savoury?

Since I am forced to cook dinner for the family; that's when.

Now, the problem with me is that when I think I'm good at one thing, I tend to fall under the disillusion that I am capable of succeeding at all things thereafter related to the one thing I am good at.

In this case, I am talking about baking, which is the one thing of which I think I am good at.

Thus, I must be pretty good at eating.

Henceforth, I must be pretty good at describing food, and consequently, I could be a food critic.

By extension, I think I am good at cooking dinner for a family of pubescent boys who are capable of eating seventeen packets of Mi Goreng, four packets of chips, seven chocolate chip cookies and one entire litre of milk.

(I watched him.)

Which, in this case, is...

Correct!

Boooooyah you thought this recipe was going to be a fail but it was a downright winnnnnnnnneeeeerrrrrrrrr.

I would also get points on the invention test in Masterchef as I completely made this recipe up and you will definitely be able to tell when you get to the ingredients list. I promise that it works!

P.S If you are following Masterchef at all, how god damn hilarious was it when that chick (I cannot for the life of me remember her name only that she has very curvy eyebrows and a psycho mouth...) said that she was not at all responsible for the creme brulee!

THIS BITCH!

If I was on her team I would've picked up that creme brulee, poured it into a nappy and brutally forced her to wear it for six weeks.

Needless to say I don't think they would tolerate my sadistic attitude on the Masterchef series...their loss entirely...

Back to the recipe, the tomato sauce base is adapted from Smitten Kitchen's Tomato Sauce w/ Onion and Butter, which, is entirely edible on it's own. So delicious.

Here's the recipe!

Ella's Secret Tomato/Salsa Verde Pasta Sauce

Ingredients

Tomato Sauce

800 grams tomatoes from a can *

*(or, to make it even more exciting, chop up a whole heap of cherry tomatoes, roma tomatoes or stock standard tomatoes and let them ferment in just one can of the tomato sauce)

5 tablespoons butter

1 medium-sized yellow onion, peeled and halved. (I used a Red Spanish Onion, which gives the sauce a sweet little tang.)

Salt and pepper to taste

 

Method

Put the tomatoes, onion and butter in a heavy saucepan over medium heat. Bring the sauce to a simmer then lower the heat to keep the sauce at a slow, steady simmer for about 45 minutes, or until droplets of fat float free of the tomatoes. As the sauce sits, check it occasionally to break up your tomatoes, it's very satisfying feeling them pop when you poke them with a wooden spoon. Remove from heat, discard the onion, add salt to taste and keep warm while you prepare your pasta and salsa verde.

 

The longer you let this baby sit the better the flavours will be so if you have time in the morning do it then then come home to your fermented goodness. :)

 

Ingredients

Salsa Verde

 

Generous handful of mint

Generous handful of basil

Generous handful of parsley

Handful of almonds (you can use walnut or cashews...)

Handful of pepitas

Handful of pinenuts

Squirt of lemon juice

Three cloves of garlic (finely finely finely chopped!)

4 tablespoons of heavy cream

 

Method

Grab your food processor. Put EVERYTHING in. Blend until everything is choppity choppity uppity uppity.

Stir this into your tomato sauce when the pasta is cooked and serve straight away.

 

Man These Lemon Bars Are Good...

"WELL THEY'RE NOT LEMON BARS MUNCHKIN THEY'RE LIME AND YOUR ILL-REFINED TASTEBUDS MAKE ME WANT FILL A PILLOWCASE WITH BARS OF SOAP AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU."

That was the reply I issued to my 6 foot 5 brother as he chowed into one of these little babies I whipped up the other night. Me being a measly 5 foot 6, let's just say it was not particularly well received.

Though I'm pretty happy he didn't decide to defame my drumset.

But seriously, I bake for a reason and that reason is because I require attention and life satisfaction. These lime bars give me both in immense proportions and I will not have them fall victim to mistaken identity, not now, not ever. Especially for those "lemons".

And may I just say that using lime instead of lemon for this recipe is the best life choice most of you will probably ever make. Screw having children and buying that dream house; do yourself a favour and grow a lime tree and make these bad boys.

Literally I froth every time at the mouth when I make these, and my family likes to hang around the corner waiting for the entrails too. The funny thing is, unlike cookie dough and melted chocolate, the raw baking components that you're left with before you bake the bastards are so incredibly non-appetizing, but so incredibly delicious.

Seriously, don't make the mistake I did and eat most of the lime custard mix that you're supposed to put on top of your shortbread before you put it in the over. You WILL run out of limes. I repeat, you WILL run out of limes.

Oh another note before I finally indulge you in the recipe is that in no way shape OR form must you replace the limes with lemon. Nor must you use that shitty little bottled lime juice in replace of a fresh zingy tangy juicy lime. The difference is so so noticeable. 

Nuff said, enjoy!

LIME BARS 

p.s this recipe is adapted from the baking bible "The Art and Soul of Baking".

Best Christmas present.

Ever.

To Make your...

Shortcrust Pastry

(If you're in short supply of ingredients or don't have the time to chill your dough just go out and buy some store bought vanilla short crust pastry. Or chocolate. Or anything that wobbles that wibbler of yours really....)

1 and 1/4 cup all purpose plain flour

1/4 cup sugar (white and granulated please)

1/4 teaspoon salt

4 ounces of COLD butter, cut up into pieces

2 large egg yolks (discard the whites)

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

2 teaspoons of water

the zest of one lime

1. Place all of the ingredients in the food processor. Pulse until all the ingredients are JUST combined so they have formed little clumps.

2. Take your dough out and place on a lightly floured surface. Knead it a couple of times to make sure there are no lumps of ingredients and the whole thing has come together nicely. Wrap it in plastic wrap and bung it in the fridge to chill for ten minutes. NOTE: When you remove your dough from the fridge to roll in your tin, make sure the dough is reasonably shapeable and floppy as if it is hard it will crack when baked.

For The Bars Themselves...

4 large eggs

2 cups granulated white sugar

5 tablespoons white flour

2/3 cup freshly squeezed lime juice (takes about four or five limes)

1. Preheat your over to 175 degrees.

2. Line the pan you have chosen with foil across the bottom and up all four sides then lightly coat in some melted butter. Scrape your shortcrust into the pan and press it into an even layer in the pan. Chill for half an hour.

3. Bake the chilled crust in your preheated oven for 35 to 40 minutes, or until golden brown. Wait until cooled.

4. Whisk the eggs and sugar in a medium bowl. Whisk in flour (make sure there are no lumps) then your lime juice. Pour the filling over the crust and bake for 50 minutes or until the filling is set. NOTE: You can tell your filling is set if you tap the side of the pan and the filling doesn't jiggle.

6. Refridgerate until you'd like to serve. Dust with icing sugar to make it perdeh for your fellow consumers.

I May As Well Rename The Blog "Peanut Butter Jar"

So what?

I like peanut butter, you like peanut butter; it works for us really.

Before I give you a new recipe I just have to vent my disgust in the Kraft Peanut Butter company. I didn't think they'd be able to disappoint me, but they have. And it is just simply simply simply awful.

Light Peanut Butter.

It. Is. A. FARCE.

It's texture is that of sand and hardened toothpaste. It tastes as though they have sucked out all of the butter and all of the oil, and pumped the bad boy full of sugar and salt. Not only that, it leaves a slight aniseed taste at the back of your throat once you manage to choke it down (if you get that far) and if you're anything like me and you hate licorice, you don't appreciate your peanut butter tasting like allsorts. It ain't creamy. It ain't worth the 200 less kilojoules. It. Is. FOUL.

Moving on, I used real quality smooth yummy irresistable peanut butter for this recipe for Peanut Butter Blondies and you will just die! I adapted the recipe from Jamie Oliver, adding some cinnamon and more chocolate chips really gave them that zing you need. I also changed the amounts of sugar; I prefer more brown sugar than white, it makes them caramelly. Watch they don't burn though...Enjoy!

PEANUT BUTTER BLONDIES

Ingredients



1/2 cup plus 3 tablespoons of smooth or crunchy peanut butter. (I'm partial to smooth...)
1/3 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup white sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
Pinch of salt
Couple of pinches of cinnamon
As many chocolate chips or chunks in it as you want!

How Do I Do It Maaaan?

Preheat oven to 175 degrees. Grease a 9x9 inch baking pan with a whole heap of butter then dust with flour. If you're not familar to this method of non-stickage, just line the tin with baking paper.


In a medium bowl, cream together peanut butter and butter. To this mix, blend in your sugars, eggs (one at a time) and the vanilla. In a separate bowl, combine flour, baking powder and salt. Stir your wet into your dry until you have a just formed gooey mass of goodness. Add your chocolate chips. I advise eating some as you do this. Waste not want not.


Bung it in the oven for 20-25 minutes or until the top springs back when touched. Cool and then chow down babeh.